Pump Fake: Super Bowl radness

Hi. Long time no see. Or write, as it were, a-ha-ha-ha. Anyhoo. I've been busy. Saving the universe in the 22nd Century takes up a lot of spare time and mental space. I'm sure at some point I'll have had my fill of (space) adventuring, whoring it up with secret (space) agent ladies and shooting various (space) aliens in the face and will maybe start writing this blog again. I'll assume that crushing silence is both all of you shedding quiet tears of joy.

So, yeah, the Super Bowl. Guess, I'll put my two cents in. First off, this was my dream match-up way back when both teams were, like, 5-0. A Manning and Brees showdown sounds just about right and no matter who loses, we all win. (Or something like that.) But yeah, this should be a doozy.

As for a prediction, I'm taking the Colts. Manning is on a tear, the Saints looked unconvincing against the Vikings -- even after, like, 57 turnovers, it still took OT and a field goal to win. So, I don't know. I'm thinking the destiny thing may not happen this year. But who knows? All we can ask is that it's still a game going into the second half, right?

Now, back to killing aliens. Hard.

Pump Fake: Heading into the semis

Well, the Cowboys are out. They deserve to be after that shite performance. On the bright side: my ulcer can rest – at least until the World Cup in June, anyway. Bright side part deux: the Chargers are out, too. Sweet! I guess what bugs me more about the Cowboys-Vikings game was that it was a bad game that could have been really awesome. Oh well.

(Record: Last week: 2-2; Total: 5-3)

NY Jets vs. Indianapolis Colts
Here’s the thing: Yeah, the Jets are this sexy, wild Cinderella ride right now. And yeah, it would be something else to see them beat the Colts (again) and cruise into a seemingly destiny-filled Super Bowl appearance. Who wouldn’t want to see that, right? But, hey, friends, Cinderella rides suck when they don’t go all the way into the station and – I may be completely wrong here – but I don’t think the Jets have what it takes to beat any of the teams left. Then again, I thought they couldn’t beat the Chargers either. Still, there are a few things that make Indy extremely dangerous in this one. 1) They’re riding out their first ever playoff win with Peyton coming off a bye week. And 2) the Colts have something to prove here. That last loss against the Jets sucked and they’re looking to set that straight. Peyton Manning and those dudes are not people you want to piss off. Especially when you were the first team to spoil his perfect season. Especially when it’s just you standing between him and the Super Bowl game. Should be a great game. (And then maybe George R.R. Martin can get back to work on the next A Song of Ice and Fire book he's been working on for, like, 18 friggin' years or whatever...)

Winner: Indianapolis

Minnesota Vikings vs. New Orleans Saints
This one seems simple at first. While the Vikings played a good game, the Cowboys lost that game more than they won it. When you look at the Saints, they destroyed a Cardinals team that was playing full burn. That tells me the New Orleans team that came up with 13 wins this season is back, rather than that New Orleans team that posted three losses. But then there’s Brett Favre, so it gets dodgy. I’m still going to pick New Orleans, because I think they’re the better team and I’d love to see a Peyton Manning vs. Drew Brees Super Bowl. But if the Jets beat the Colts, I’d rather the Vikes win, too, that way the weird flukiness is cancelled out.

Winner: New Orleans

Pump Fake: Wild Card weekend into week two

Playoff time in the NFL never disappoints, does it? Some great stuff on the weekend, though not many surprises, I guess.

Breaking things down:

Bengals – Jets: Based on what I saw the week before, I wasn’t surprised that the Jets took this one. They’re playing pretty good football right now and are riding a Cinderella high that may take them past the Chargers next week. Maybe? It would be awesome if that were true, actually. The Bengals were banged up and Chris Henry’s death was a terrible blow in an already tragic season for the team.

Cowboys – Eagles: Yeah, I was pretty happy about this game. Dallas is looking pretty good these days. More important, they look like they know it and they look like they can smell the blood in the Super Bowl tank. Philadelphia is a great team with great players and they had no answer for the Cowboys. McNabb and co. looked completely shell-shocked on the sidelines – it made me laugh a bit. Still, no gloating or trash talking. Don’t want to jinx things. (And, yeah, let’s pretend that whole Jerry Jones high-fiving George W. Bush thing never happened…)

Patriots – Ravens: I took the Pats in this one but wasn’t surprised at how pwn’d they were by Baltimore. Without Welker, New England is just another team whose few weapons can’t outweigh their weak O and D lines. The Ravens are grinders and I would never relish playing those dudes in the playoffs.

Cardinals – Packers: Crazy game. I’m glad the Packers forced it into OT, but what a terrible way to lose. Warner looked amazing and I think he’s looking to possibly end his career in a blaze of glory and out-Favre Brett Favre. I’m sort of feeling a Cardinals – Cowboys NFC Championship game, don’t quote me on that though.

(Record: 3-1)

Okay, this weekend will definitely see some upsets happening. Come on! There’s got to be at least one, right?

SATURDAY

Arizona Cardinals v. New Orleans Saints
The Cards are the hot team going into this and Kurt Warner is definitely on a tear. And, as mentioned before, this team was one defensive series away from stealing the Super Bowl from Pittsburgh last year – so they’re probably pretty damn hungry. The week off (and inevitable rustiness) aside, New Orleans did not look like a 13-3 team by the end of the season. They were slumping and very unconvincing. That said, they’re coached by Sean Payton and quarterbacked by Drew Brees. Those are two dudes who should never be dismissed when discussing the Saints chances at anything. If you’re Arizona, you want to get in there and score pretty damn fast and keep the Big Easy off balance. If Brees and the boys settle in and get their groove, it could be a long night.

Winner: Saints

Baltimore Ravens v. Indianapolis Colts
I think this game will be close. It may even involve one of Payton Manning’s (now) signature ridiculously spectacular comebacks. But the Colts will win. I think the two losses at the end of the season and the total clusterfuck surrounding the first one, will make them angry and out to prove something, more than anything else. The Ravens are – as I said – grinders, and QB Joe Flacco doesn’t choke in the playoffs – but he’s no Payton Manning yet.

Winner: Colts

SUNDAY

Dallas Cowboys v. Minnesota Vikings
Part of me thinks that this one is going to be a blowout for the Cowboys. Then another part of me remembers the horseshoe Brett Favre has inserted in a certain part of his anatomy – and yeah, also that Minnesota is damn good team – and you know it won’t be that easy. Having Marion Barber healthy would make things a lot easier for Dallas, but I think the offense and the defense are well oiled machines right now and can shut things down and get in Favre’s face. For Minnesota, they need Adrian Peterson to be a factor in the game or it’s going to be a long night. If he’s not threatening big runs every play, Favre’s not going to be as effective.

Winner: Cowboys

New York Jets v. San Diego Chargers
Man, I’d love the Jets to win this. I really would. I can’t stand the Chargers. They’re one of the few NFL teams I actually despise. It might just be QB Phillip Rivers, though. I don’t know. Dude, leave the trash talking and fight instigating to the rest of your team. You’re the QB. You need to be aloof and focused, like a Buddha or Doctor Manhattan or a cybernetic god. So, yeah, the Jets – can they do it? Maybe? They’re the Cinderella story and that goes a long way – and it’s not like it would suck to play in the San Diego weather right now, right? But the Chargers have a lot of experience in the playoffs. Also, I think Rivers is the right kind of angry to get to the Super Bowl this year if his team stays focused and healthy. Also, they’ve won 11 straight games. Read that sentence again. Yeah. Sure, a bunch of them are against their division (Denver, Oakland, Kansas City) but still. That’s crazy.

Winner: Chargers

Pump Fake: Just in time for the playoffs

Another NFL season is over. Blood is being sopped up with a gritty sponge. Bones are being reset. Tears have been shed. Wings have been eaten. And now we can all look forward to the playoffs – which seem a little odd, to say the least. I missed my chance to do a full season of “Pump Fake” this year, but I’d like to get in on the playoffs if you don’t mind. And yeah, I took some time off and it might seem weird to go with this as my first entry of 2010 and – suck it. I want to write about football. I’m going to write about football.

SATURDAY

New York Jets v. Cincinnati Bengals
I’m curious to see what answer the Bengals have for the Jets after last night’s thrashing. It’s not like Cincinnati was resting people or playing things close to the chest. They just got their asses beat. Can the Jets keep things going – especially if they’re heading into Cincinnati and especially if, well, they’re the Jets? I say… sure?

Winner: Jets

Philadelphia Eagles v. Dallas Cowboys
Another re-do game. Full disclosure: Dallas is my team. That said, I think if Dallas can win this game, they’re my pick for the NFC for the Super Bowl. Hell, I think they might even be my pick for winning the Super Bowl. They’re playing some good football right now. The defense is solid. Romo is throwing well and keeping INTs to a minimum. And the running and passing game is hitting things hard from all over the place. Still, they have to win this next game. And still, the Eagles are the Eagles. I hate them but that’s only because they’re the Eagles and I like Dallas – they’re still a damn good team. And they have the Cowboys number a lot of the time. It won’t be the same Eagles team as yesterday. The team that didn’t get in Tony Romo’s face. The team that didn’t execute. The Eagles will be playing hard and with something to prove. But so will Dallas. The Cowboys exorcised their December and Philadelphia demons but they still have their playoff ones to contend with. Should be a good game.

Winner: Cowboys

SUNDAY

Baltimore Ravens v. New England Patriots
Ugh. This game hurts my head. No one is scared of the Patriots anymore, it seems. And especially not when Wes Welker is gone. But these guys went 11-5 without Tom Brady last year and that tells you what Bill Bellichik implies with his gruff demeanor: it’s not just about the players, it’s about the plays. I’m not always convinced but the Ravens are so hot and cold this year, I think I’ll just go with the “system” and the home team here.

Winner: Patriots

Green Bay Packers v. Arizona Cardinals
Clearly the Cardinals we saw play the Packers yesterday will not be the same team who takes the field on Sunday. They were playing things close to the chest and seeing what Green Bay was all about. Some observations: Kurt Warner is a veteran, Super Bowl winning QB who led Arizona there last year and, save for one miraculous catch, would have won it; Green Bay QB Aaron Rodgers is a playoff newb and one who gets shaky under heavy pressure. He also looks like Ryan from The Office. What does this tell us? I don’t know and I don’t know who’s going to win this game so I’ll guess…

Winner: Cardinals

"Titans... will... CLASH!!" (my caps)

Clash of the Titans
We didn't ask for a remake of Clash of the Titans and, shoot, we certainly didn't need it but it's here, people. It's here and it's angry, it's yelling and -- worst of all -- it will stick you with its giant scorpion tail to the sound of Hungarian metal. Watch the trailer here.

Superheroes
In Dubai anything is possible. If on some crazy and wonderful whim someone in Dubai wanted an island shaped like Donkey Kong made out of angel food cake and to have Megan Fox and Britney Spears wrestle in strawberry sauce on its candy-covered beach to the song stylings of the original line-up of CCR on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and twice on Sundays, they could probably make that happen somehow. So when you hear that they want to have a Marvel Superheroes amusement park with lifelike New York City streets and various forms of Marvel mayhem going on, you gotta believe it'll happen.

Mirror’s Edge
Mirror's Edge is kinda like the Dollhouse of video games. Thanks to heavy buzz, it was expected to revolutionize everything we knew about our favourite artform but instead everyone was meh on it and played something else -- in this case, Left 4 Dead -- instead. Then, seeing it soundly thrashed by critics, a few hipsters held it up as a work of misunderstood genius that they, of course, got. Well, I played Mirror's Edge and I'll tell you: it really was meh. The idea of it may be nice and shiny, but the idea of a monkey commando driving an atomic-powered war-dozer is nice and shiny too and you don't see a ton of those rolling around, do you? Still, I think EA should take another shot at the universe they created and it looks like they may do just that.

Bridges on Iron Man
Jeff Bridges has revealed that there wasn't a script for Iron Man, they just improvised the whole damn thing. Somehow that makes it better. In other "Shellhead" news, here's another poster for Iron Man 2. I gotta say, it doesn't look much different than most of the posters for the first movie.

Metro 2033
Gamespot has a preview of the Russian-set post-apocalyptic shooter. A few things: a) the game has some interesting gameplay features including missions limited by the amount of time your gas mask is useful and having to charge up your flashlight, b) they hosted the event in an actual Moscow metro station! and c) the reporter's name is Guy Cocker, LOL!

And finally…
You hear a lot about how Minnesota Vikings' QB Brett Favre is awesome and whatnot, but now you actually get to hear it. LISTEN!

Monday (Boo!): NFL observations and the usual fun stuff

Welcome back. Hope you had a great weekend. I took 'er easy and, as a result, I'm a lot further along in Uncharted 2 (about 7.5 hours played; 78% complete) -- and it's definitely one of the year's best, a near-perfect game.

In NFL football, three teams remain undefeated with Denver playing tonight looking to make it four. I gotta say, though, things are kicking into high gear. The Saints are playing amazing football -- with QB Drew Brees and coach Sean Payton playing angry, which is how you win Super Bowls. They're sick of not winning Super Bowls and it's made them angry so now they're playing angry and they're gonna win some Super Bowls.

That's how it's done. There are three ways to win them. Play happy (Joe Namath, John Madden); play angry (the Bears, the Steelers) or play like robots (Patriots, Joe Montana, Peyton Manning). When you fall in between these extremes, you fail. It seems like that makes no sense, but think about it. See?

Anyway, on top of the Saints, you've got Peyton Manning putting on a clinic in Indy and now it looks like Tom Brady just woke up. Five TD passes in a quarter. If you get five in a game you're a hero. I don't even know how a team can have five offensive possessions in a quarter but, wow, okay.

As for Denver and Minnesota: meh, I'm not sold yet. I think the Vikings have a great team but it's going to come down to Favre staying healthy over the stretch and last year he didn't make it. It doesn't look like the Vikes are resting him either, so I don't know. November and December punish teams. Like, beat them to a pulp. We'll see if the old dude makes it.

The Broncs have a coach who appears to be playing angry (for some reason) but I think he's just an asshole -- there's a difference. I kinda feel they're the team that turns in a great 13-3 or 14-2 record but gets knocked out in their first playoff game. Like the Titans last year or the Cowboys the year before. Besides, Kyle Orton's moustache is too ironic to make it past the first round.

Anyway, the season just kicked into high gear and that means we're the ones who win, right? Right. On to the good stuff...

Borderlands
The reviews are starting to come in for this intriguing, stylish, self-styled role-playing-shooter from 2K. I'm hoping I'll get a review copy of this because it looks kinda bitchin'.

Killzone 3?
I liked Killzone 2 a lot. It didn't try to be anything but the best FPS on the market and I think they nailed it. Seeing first hand how much work Guerilla Games put into the various mechanics behind the title, it's no surprise that they'll be fast-tracking the next installment of the franchise using the mad-genius level of fundamentals they created. Read a couple of interviews (here and here) with some of the developers for more insight on the intense creative process.

The future of the X-Men film franchise (do we care?)
Do we care about the X-Men film franchises/properties any more? I mean, after X3 I stopped. Actually, not to be that guy, but I stopped once I heard Brett Ratner was directing X3. I haven't seen Wolverine, but I've heard it's pretty laughable. So I'm not that bullish on other films that might be planned. But they're out there. Oh, yes, they're out there. Here's a full update on where those all stand. In other X-Men news, a new DLC character for the cheesy-but-awesome Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 has been announced and it's Psylocke. That's not so bad, I'm thinking. Although, I really wish there was a huge database of almost all the Marvel characters available because I'd love to come up with some crazy four-hero combos. Here's the first one that comes to mind: Dazzler, Moon Knight, Master of Kung Fu and She-Hulk. Boom! Makes no sense but it's awesome. Also, you could recreate (sort of) some cool teams. Like do up that cool X-Men team that they had for like, two issues, with Dazzler, Psylocke, Havok and Longshot. And, man, how sweet would it be with some Alpha Flight downloads. Canada, represent. (Ugh)

Women of D&D
Topless Robot is an awesome blog. One of the things I like best about them is their in-your-face love of Dungeons & Dragons. They know we've all played it. They know we all know the references. They know we love it. Why hide it? This is one of their best D&D-related countdowns.

And finally…
Your tax dollars at work: The reboot.